A Calm, Sure Mind

Date: 27 November 2010
Day of Chronicles: 18
Hours: 4:30-6:15pm
Rides Given: 2

I was not feeling it today. I was not feeling alert. So I bowed out early. In part I'm reacting to an airless four-hour stint on the Megabus back from Boston this afternoon; in part I'm reacting to a blow to my confidence sustained last Tuesday as the result of a run-in with a rear-view mirror (my pedicab's canopy collided with an SUV's mirror, snapping the plastic away from the glass). I paid the SUV driver in cash, on the spot, for the damage I'd caused - which hurt, because I was on my way to an arranged ride that was only going to pay half that much. I really don't know how much the repair will cost. He said $100, $80 seemed fair to me, and on $80 we agreed.

It really wasn't a major incident, as incidents go (the glass didn't even crack). And yet it troubles me because it brings me smack up against the fact that a trike is a serious vehicle capable of causing serious damage, if not handled properly. Usually, when I am negotiating a narrow passage between two lines of cars, I move very slowly, checking behind me; this time, for a couple reasons, I neglected to take either precaution. And just like that, in a split second, I was in the midst of a major "Oh, shit!" moment. I suppose this taking the capabilities of my three-wheeled vehicle is a big deal for me because I started triking after walking all my life (with occasional episodes of biking, in cities other than New York); had I switched to triking from driving a motor vehicle, I'd probably already appreciate the harm I as a driver have the potential to cause.

And then, this afternoon, on 6th Avenue in the 40s, with three passengers in my cab, I got tapped on the back left wheel by a limo. What exactly happened? We had both just crossed the intersection - I think he sped up too much - I doubt the contact our vehicles made resulted from carelessness on my part. And yet, in a sense, any contact I make, while driving, with anything other than the road, is my fault, since it's my job to be aware of everything that's moving around me, at all times. Anyway - this harmless little tap freaked me out even more. What if I'm jinxed now? What if I'm now condemned to keep hitting things? Bullshit, of course, especially when written down and examined - but debilitating nonetheless. So here I am, off the road for the night, deeming it right to be kind to myself, to err on the side of caution - and enter the fray with a calmer, surer mind next time.